Illegally Ostracized!!!

There are difficult times in everybody’s life. The types and kinds of difficulty differ for everyone. Have you ever felt left out and ostracized in your life? This is the kind of feeling that affects you badly. It devastates your psyche and makes you feel wretched, dejected and unwanted. This is the time that forces you to think a hundred times about everything in life. I am sure most of us go through this feeling at some stage of our life. This feeling is often a signal that you need a CHANGE.

For the past 10 days I’ve felt the same feeling. I have been suffering from chicken pox and have recovered completely now. But chicken pox always leaves some scars that take a long time to heal. This is exactly that has happened to me. My disease has left some scars that will probably take a life time to heal.

It all started in the hospital when the security guard came to check the room (as part of her duty) that there are no more than two visitors in a room. My room was empty, as usual. The guard asked me why no visitor was seen in my room for the very first day. I jokingly said that there was no one in the city who cares about me. She smiled and replied with utmost sweetness, “koi dost ko bula lena chahiye aapko. Bimari mein akela rehna accha nahin lagta hai”. (I should call some friend to take care of me. It feels sad to be alone when you are sick.) She left after passing a smile. Her comment made me think about everything all over again. I always thought I had a lot of friends in Mumbai and there were people who actually cared about me. Then I started feeling sad thinking about all these things.

Was it because of the nature of my disease that suddenly made me untouchable? The answer was probably yes, which made me feel worse. I got discharged from the hospital and rested for a week at home. I recovered completely in a week. I was ready for life and thought that the sad phase was over. If only I was so lucky. My disease wouldn’t stop haunting me. This Wednesday something really bad happened that made me feel ostracized. It made me think about all my options. I’ve recovered completely but our so called educated society still kept treating me as an untouchable object. Things couldn’t be so bad all the time. There needs to be a reason behind everything that’s happening with me. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I remembered the discussion of nature’s signal in The Alchemist (the great book by Paulo Coelho). Is there any hidden signal of nature in all that’s happening with me? I like to think yes. Probably there is one. I’ll consider this to be the hint of the century and change my life accordingly. Now, only the time will tell if I’ve interpreted this signal correctly or not. Maybe I’ll have to regret in future but I’ll, at least, be satisfied that I tried. Because it’s any day better than regretting that I could have tried.

~ by pankajsingla9 on May 6, 2009.

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